Belonging

“Belonging” is one of the most essential needs of a human. Having a sense of belonging to a specific person, family, or place is a fundamental element of our identity and molds our character and personality. Without the sense of belonging, humans feel loss, lonely, and forgotten. As the third step of “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” belongingness is defined as an inherent desire that people have to be part of something greater than themselves. Belongingness is pretty much the second cousin to the emotional state of love.

I’m learning through my adult years that the relationships I’ve created and damaged have made a huge part of my sense of belonging. I am a firm believer of fate- or the will of God- and I believe that people come into your life for a reason. Sometimes when I hike, I recall those relationships and how they made me who I am today. This hike was definitely one of those strolls down memory lane.

Hiking to the Birthing Cave in Sedona was an interesting experience for me. It wasn’t adrenaline-pumping with slick cliff walls to climb or completely secretive as the hiking folklore made it out to be. As I was approaching the base of the cave on a cool April morning, I met a friendly couple who let me know that it was “very disappointing.” Well, that’s a little hard to hear after leaving your house at 5 a.m. to drive for two hours to reach this well-planned and researched destination. I didn’t heed their advice to turn around and kept moving up to the cave. Although it was small, I found the inside of the cave the most fascinating experience.

Looking inward, the cave is perfectly spherical. The smooth rounded walls have intricate designs created by erosion throughout the centuries. The cave mostly blocks out the sun and sound, encouraging one to sit, think, and relax without the distractions of everyday life. I first sat at the entrance of the cave and just absorbed the surreal symbolism of the womb that it represents. Being rounded outward, including a “belly button,” a person inside could have that intense sense of belonging that a baby has with its mother.

I thought of my mother and how she is always a part of my life. I haven’t been able to see her since Covid began, and the need to be close to my mom is getting more intense every month that slips away. Mom is my most fierce defender and my inspiration of creativity. She was there for me during all my big life events: wedding, babies, divorce, buying a house.

I also thought of the foster children who are lost in the system, waiting at group homes for just one person to call them their own. These children have lost hope in the future and lost faith in love, and without an anchor of support and belongingness, they have a long way to go emotionally. I hope that one day I can be that anchor for a child.

Turning around to look outside, you can get the true feel of the complete spherical formation of the cave. It’s a hollowed-out ball with one open side and a slit in the roof. It protects its inhabitants from the heat as the southwestern walls are insulated against the sun’s rays. It’s private as the trees and shrubs protect the open wall from intruders. Looking out of the cave, you have that sense of protection that a mother provides. It reminded me of how the mother always has her sense of belonging to her offspring. No matter where they go or what they do, the mother wants to still be there to support and nurture their child. I thought of my two sons, who are growing up so quickly and leaving the house to pursue their dreams. I am so proud of them, and I will be there to protect them anytime.

There was one little tree inside the cave. It may be small and scrawny, but I used a branch of it to pull my way up to one side of the cave. This tree reminded me of my friends. They’re always there for me to hold me up when I’m beaten down. Belonging to friends is so important to my identity. This past year has been hard to maintain physical meetings with friends, so the rare time that I do get to hang out with a friend, it’s like a breath of fresh air that rejuvenates my soul. Friends are everything. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my friends.

And the last part of the cave to describe would be the roof. It was my favorite part of the rock formation as it captured the sunlight and glowed with a surreal brilliance. I thought about the Native American women in childbirth in this cave, and how they focused on the roof’s beauty and the sky peeking through. How incredible it would be to have a sense of belonging to something greater, the fact that they would be pushing a life into this life, while focusing on God’s creation. I think that’s also the subconscious need during my hikes- finding my sense of belonging to His masterpiece of nature.

Belonging to someone, to someplace is everything. And as we emerge from our symbolic caves after a year in Covid isolation, I hope that we remember this. Reach out and boost someone’s sense of belonging.